Birdland

    How much did I pay for this portrait only to be relegated to a tiny corner of the scene...and be made to look much older and even confused? Can you even see me behind those enormous vines? I sat as a model for 20 hours in my backyard and let me tell you, this is not me or my backyard. My home is not a hole in the wall. The whole scene is juvenile really. 

    The so-called artist made my best tree into some kind of cloud-conjuring mirror for that bird who’s clearly overshadowing me. Plus, I've lived in this house for 15 years, never seen a floating island or a monkey.

    I complained and was completely ignored because I guess it’s a “self-portrait”.

    Right, now I remember. But all is well because, soon after, I received an award for Best Self-Effacing Self-Portrait from the Institute for Selflessness in the Arts. Their stated mission is to recognize artists who are not driven by self-aggrandizement but by a deference to others, especially to other species and to the universe at large. At the awards ceremony, I was handed the microphone and encouraged to comment, so I asked if I’d also be receiving a monetary reward. Then, I thought of the treasure and how it would be worth more than anything I'd get here, so I dropped the microphone and headed in the direction of the sign.

    Turning over every stone and nest, I felt the days turn to weeks in the unforgiving landscape but no treasure was found. At home was a letter on the door from the Institute for Selflessness in the Arts stating that my award had been rescinded. Now, left wondering why bad things happen to good people, I shake my weatherworn fist and bathe in a resentment disturbed only by the birdsong in the breeze. Night falls with only faint chirping in the now swirling winds. The door rattles but nothing else happens until a tower of ill-formed hunches tumbles into the canyon, leaving this old empty remnant to tumble after. And with the air cleansed, the birds twit twitter and cheep cheep.